Brigham's Memorial - A Mother's Thoughts

Good afternoon and welcome to all of you brothers and sisters that fill this room with your physical presence and welcome also to my son Brigham and those many loved ones who accompany him and are here in spirit. I know and feel that the veil is very thin at this time.

My heart is full of gratitude for the outpouring of service and love that has been shown towards our family at this time. I have anticipated and tried to imagine how this moment would be for several years now. I have written and re- written this tribute over and over in my heart and mind many times throughout Brigham’s life. So hard to believe that the day has come and that right now I am in the moment that I have feared and never wanted to come. I am humbled by this opportunity to be able to pay tribute to such a valiant soul.

How does a mother capture the life of her divine son? I know there is no way that I would be able to share with you all the feelings of my heart in this moment. I have been on my knees this week and asked our Heavenly Father to guide my comments.

From the moment my first born child took his first breathe he has been teaching me. Randy and I feel so strongly that he has refined and shaped our characters. Our family was so fortunate to have a perfect pure soul in our home. He was a constant reminder of Christ. We loved just sitting next to him to feel of his amazing presence. Over the years I have often pondered and worried thinking how our home and life would change once that powerful soul was gone. We have been comforted this pass week in knowing that Brigham is still with us. I have learned so much this past week. I am reminded of your example to savor life and the moment even amongst our pain. Writing this talk has been a huge responsibility for me. I am grateful to Randall who has helped me to pause and enjoy the sacred moments of this week and feel you close. I feel inspire to share with you today some thoughts about our marvelous experience of the passing of our son.

God is so merciful and mindful of each one of us. He has been preparing our family for this for a long time. I can see His merciful hand as I look back to a few months before he passed.

In January, our friend finished and delivered Brigham’s beautifully hand crafted casket. The wood is from a walnut tree from our backyard. Our friend has stored the wood for several years and I told him I never wanted him to finish it. But I am glad he did. It has been a stunning window seat in our front room these last 4 months or so. We all have enjoyed it. Brigham and Emily have used it as a sitting bench. Ella has left her art skills with ball point pen and it was a perfect spot for Yaw to play cars. It has become familiar and comfortable to us. It will be hard to have it gone. It has been a symbol of hope and a blessing.

Brigham has always talked about having a brother. He said he wanted to name his brother Hercules. In February we were blessed with many miracles and were able to bring our new son home from Africa. Maybe we will give Yaw the nickname of Hercules. The new brothers bonded instantaneously. It was a beautiful reunion at the airport. Yaw recognized Brigham immediately and showered him with loves and kisses and insisted that he push his stroller to our car. It was endearing to witness the connection between these two. I would often find Yaw cuddle up with Brigham on his bed watching a movie or sharing a book with Brig pretending to read. Brig was comfortable around Yaw too. I would catch him looking deeply at his brother. I felt strongly that these two spirits knew one another before and now were reunited. Yaw learned of his brothers uniqueness quickly and would often call him his “sweet boy”. Yaw followed his sisters lead of the gentle watchful care of their precious brother. What a blessing that Yaw was able to know his brother here on earth.

In March Brig’s health wavered. There were some nights that we thought Brigham might not make it. One night in particular I remember us waking up sweet Emily to say goodbye. Over the years Brigham has had so many close calls and rallied back. He rallied again but we felt that this time it wasn’t the same. His health seemed to be at a different level. He seemed weary. We felt that he was slowing down.

During April we enjoyed celebrating Easter and the message that spring brings. Our family has had only one babysitter through the years and she was home visiting her children in Peru during this time. That was okay. We are grateful that we had many sweet times all together as a family. Because of Brigham’s fragile health we never wanted to leave him. I think the only date Randy and I went on these last precious months was to a restaurant with our friends and they didn’t mind that we brought Brig with us.

May came quickly. Our incredible lawyer was working hard on getting Yaw’s adoption finalized. With Brig’s health stabilized we decided to plan our family vacation and introduce Yaw to Disneyland and take Brig back to a place he loved. The adoption papers came through and family was coming in town for Mothers Day. We felt inspired to take our family to the temple and have Yaw sealed before we left for our trip. Mothers Day weekend was sacred and a beautiful memory that we all will treasure. Saturday, our family had the privilege of being together in the temple. Family members commented about Brigham’s calm, powerful presence. He glowed. Sunday we celebrated the wonderful mothers in our life and I celebrated being a mother. I felt so blessed.

The following day, Brig rode his trike around the driveway as we packed up to leave for our much anticipated family trip. Our family loves car rides even long ones. Brigham has claimed his spot as co- pilot. We arrived late Monday night to our hotel. Tuesday midmorning we headed to Disneyland which was in walking distance. Knowing that we were going to be there for a few days we didn’t push it. We were able to ride some favorites. In the afternoon Brigham seemed to be uncomfortable and not doing well. An hour or two later he was in tremendous distress. The night was hard. At 4:30 in the morning on Wednesday Randy and I knew we needed to get Brig back home to the “white house” as Brigham called it. We packed up and were on the road by 6 trying to explain to the other children why we were going home. Their love for their brother Brig out weighed their sadness.

Friday afternoon Brigham passed away in our arms. His life was full of pain and sufferings even to his last breathe. How grateful we were that he was home in his white house surrounded by his family who loved him.

Most mothers do not bury their children. As I have known that I would, I have thought much about this sacred process. I have always desired that when the time came I would keep him close and care for him until he was laid to rest. I was comforted by a neighbor’s words as he reminded us of our Savior’s death and his own mother’s desire to care for his body as well.

While Jesus was on the cross he was surrounded by those who loved him. His mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, and the beloved apostle John were there as well as perhaps two more women there. When Jesus died one of his disciples, Joseph of Arimathea, came to claim the body. Nicodemus brought a large amount of myrrh and aloes and then washed the body and wound the body in linen clothes and laid him in the sepulcher. On the third day, after Jesus was placed in the tomb, women—Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James—came to the tomb to care for and anoint the body of Jesus. They went to find his body for the same reason that we honor bodies of our loved ones today—to express our love.

Randy and I had the sacred opportunity of washing Brigham one last time. On Sunday we brought Brigham’s body home. In our society/culture it seems like we have made death be a scary negative thing. We have learned differently. Death is a new birth. It is part of our Heavenly Fathers plan. Our bodies are amazing and Gods masterpiece. It has been a beautiful and sacred experience to have his body under our watchful care this week. Even as his physical body lies still, it and he are still with us, teaching us.

I love Brigham’s body. It is a memorial of Brigham and his courage and strength. I know that I will never understand fully how much he suffered. Brigham never complained. His body testifies of the atonement in a very real way.

I loved Brigham’s life and everything about him. Brigham loved to fish. If you asked him what he wanted for his birthday or for Christmas he would say “maybe a red fishing pole” every time. When we needed a gift for someone else and I would ask him what we should get them he would say “maybe a red fishing pole” every single time. “If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a life time.” Brigham didn’t want to give us the fish he wanted each of us to have a red fishing pole and teach us to fish. Brigham has taught us for a lifetime. I have no bitterness or anger towards the disease that took my sons life or towards my God. My heart is in the tremendous depths of sorrow yet I have nothing but an overabundance feeling of gratitude for my Father in Heaven for having had the honor to be chosen to be the mother of such a righteous soul. He is a son who has testified of Christ every day of his life. We are so blessed to have had a constant teacher and example of true principles and teachings of the Savior in our home.

Brigham has been on the runway for quite sometime. He now has taken off. He is not gone. Just in another place. Our story has not ended. Having Brigham with our family has been the best chapter so far. He is now writing a new chapter and so are we. When we would take Brigham to the movies and get to the end, he would jump up and yell “rewind, rewind”. Oh sweet Brigham, how I wish I could rewind this chapter of life with you. I long to care for you and be with you again. I know that I was your caretaker of your physical body while you were here on earth, however, I am the one dependent upon you and your mighty spirit that truly fed me each day. God gave us 14 beautiful years with you. You have left us physically. Now it is up to us to remember all the things you have taught us. Brigham, I want to be like you. I want to accept Christ and be obedient so I can be with you forever. You have given our family a great goal. I reminded of a quote from one of your favorite movies “Hercules”. Hercules is trying to get back to his Father and Mother in Heaven. His father, Zeus, tells him that he has to prove himself a true hero before he can return. Hercules says “I won’t let you down!” Brigham you proved yourself a hero and I know our Father in Heaven welcomed you home. It is now our turn. Brigham we “won’t let you down”. You have taught us well for life. You have taught us to fish.

In D&C 42:46 it reads “And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them”. This scripture and many more have given me comfort and strength. Our dear prophet, Thomas Monson, reminded all of us in this last conference to “be of good cheer”. The Apostle Paul declared, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” I quote our Prophet.

“None of us makes it through this life without problems and challenges—and sometimes tragedies and misfortunes. After all, in large part we are here to learn and grow from such events in our lives. We know that there are times when we will suffer, when we will grieve, and when we will be saddened. However, we are told, “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.”

How might we have joy in our lives, despite all that we may face? Again from the scriptures: “Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you.”

…those who have struggled and yet who have remained steadfast and of good cheer as they have made the gospel of Jesus Christ the center of their lives. This attitude is what will pull us through whatever comes our way. It will not remove our troubles from us but rather will enable us to face our challenges, to meet them head on, and to emerge victorious.”

While I held my son in my arms while he was dying my testimony was challenged like it has never been challenged before. It was pushed clear to the edge and then some. I wanted to know with ever fiber of my body that what I believe was true. I wanted to know that there was a God in heaven who knows my son by name and would lovingly welcome him home. I wanted to know that our Savior died but now lives and that because of the atonement we may all live again together without pain and suffering. Brothers and Sisters, this week my testimony has grown. Because of this experience I know that my son lives. He has been faithful and obedient and has earned his celestial glory.

I was asked to speak on Easter Sunday a year ago. I would like to close by sharing some of that talk with you. My talk was inspired by the words of Elder Wirthlin.

Elder Wirthlin talks about how dark that Friday must have been when they lifted Christ upon the cross and crucified him. From the bible we read from each of the gospels about the darkness that was over the land. In Matthew it says “And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent.” I think about how dark it was in other parts of the world as well. In 3 Nephi 8 we read that on that dark Friday there were “great and terrible tempest and thunder that did shake the whole earth as if it was about to divide asunder. Many great and notable cities were sunk, and many more were burned. There was thick darkness upon all the face of the land.”

However, we need to remember that the darkness didn’t last. The despair did not linger. Because on Sunday the resurrected Lord ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind. I quote Elder Wirthlin’s words again “In an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.”

Elder Wirthlin continues to say that “each of us will have our own Fridays – those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death – Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, in this life or the next, Sunday will come.”

At Elder Wirthlin’s wife’s funeral, President Hinckley spoke and said that ‘it is a devastating, consuming thing to lose someone you love. It gnaws at your soul’. In Elder Wirthlin’s lonely hours he spent a great deal of time thinking about eternal things and contemplating the comforting doctrines of eternal life. The gift of the Resurrection.

The gift of the Resurrection is universal for every person who has ever lived or ever will live on this earth. In Alma 11:43 we learn that “the spirit and the body shall be reunited again in its perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame” President Spencer W. Kimball said, “I am sure that if we can imagine ourselves at our very best, physically, mentally, spiritually, that is the way we will come back.”

We know everyone will be the recipients of this amazing gift however the appointed time of our resurrection and the degree of glory given to us, is dependent upon how faithful we are in this life. Elder Holland has reminded us that “the Apostle Paul made clear that those fully committed to Christ will rise first in the Resurrection. Modern revelation clarifies the different order of resurrected bodies, promising the highest degree of glory only to those who adhere to the principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”

Elder Wirthlin said “The Resurrection is at the core of our beliefs as Christians. Without it, our faith is meaningless.” In 1 Corinthians 15:14 we read, “If Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and (our) faith is also vain.”

I am grateful for the scriptures and words from the prophet and leaders and testimonies of other members found in our church magazines. I am grateful for Elder Wirthlin and his words that have inspired me. I would like to close with his thoughts. “When President Hinckley spoke of the terrible loneliness that comes to those who lose the ones they love, he also promised that in the quiet of the night a still, unheard voice whispers peace to our soul: “All is well.” I am grateful beyond measure for the sublime true doctrines of the gospel and for the gift of the Holy Ghost, which has whispered to my soul the comforting and peaceful words promised by our beloved prophet. Live in thanksgiving for the priceless gifts that come to us as sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father and for the promise of that bright day when we shall all rise triumphant from the grave. No matter how dark our Friday, Sunday will come.”

As the disease progressed, Brigham’s ability to communicate decreased. His words became less and less. One of his sentences that he was able to say especially when he was hurting was “I’ll be okay”. Brigham we will be okay. I know this.

In the name…