I think I am back - maybe - slowly

Flying Kites May 15 2008 -

Today is Friday. 18 weeks. Wow. I miss him.

Brigham's Memorial - A Mother's Thoughts

Good afternoon and welcome to all of you brothers and sisters that fill this room with your physical presence and welcome also to my son Brigham and those many loved ones who accompany him and are here in spirit. I know and feel that the veil is very thin at this time.

My heart is full of gratitude for the outpouring of service and love that has been shown towards our family at this time. I have anticipated and tried to imagine how this moment would be for several years now. I have written and re- written this tribute over and over in my heart and mind many times throughout Brigham’s life. So hard to believe that the day has come and that right now I am in the moment that I have feared and never wanted to come. I am humbled by this opportunity to be able to pay tribute to such a valiant soul.

How does a mother capture the life of her divine son? I know there is no way that I would be able to share with you all the feelings of my heart in this moment. I have been on my knees this week and asked our Heavenly Father to guide my comments.

From the moment my first born child took his first breathe he has been teaching me. Randy and I feel so strongly that he has refined and shaped our characters. Our family was so fortunate to have a perfect pure soul in our home. He was a constant reminder of Christ. We loved just sitting next to him to feel of his amazing presence. Over the years I have often pondered and worried thinking how our home and life would change once that powerful soul was gone. We have been comforted this pass week in knowing that Brigham is still with us. I have learned so much this past week. I am reminded of your example to savor life and the moment even amongst our pain. Writing this talk has been a huge responsibility for me. I am grateful to Randall who has helped me to pause and enjoy the sacred moments of this week and feel you close. I feel inspire to share with you today some thoughts about our marvelous experience of the passing of our son.

God is so merciful and mindful of each one of us. He has been preparing our family for this for a long time. I can see His merciful hand as I look back to a few months before he passed.

In January, our friend finished and delivered Brigham’s beautifully hand crafted casket. The wood is from a walnut tree from our backyard. Our friend has stored the wood for several years and I told him I never wanted him to finish it. But I am glad he did. It has been a stunning window seat in our front room these last 4 months or so. We all have enjoyed it. Brigham and Emily have used it as a sitting bench. Ella has left her art skills with ball point pen and it was a perfect spot for Yaw to play cars. It has become familiar and comfortable to us. It will be hard to have it gone. It has been a symbol of hope and a blessing.

Brigham has always talked about having a brother. He said he wanted to name his brother Hercules. In February we were blessed with many miracles and were able to bring our new son home from Africa. Maybe we will give Yaw the nickname of Hercules. The new brothers bonded instantaneously. It was a beautiful reunion at the airport. Yaw recognized Brigham immediately and showered him with loves and kisses and insisted that he push his stroller to our car. It was endearing to witness the connection between these two. I would often find Yaw cuddle up with Brigham on his bed watching a movie or sharing a book with Brig pretending to read. Brig was comfortable around Yaw too. I would catch him looking deeply at his brother. I felt strongly that these two spirits knew one another before and now were reunited. Yaw learned of his brothers uniqueness quickly and would often call him his “sweet boy”. Yaw followed his sisters lead of the gentle watchful care of their precious brother. What a blessing that Yaw was able to know his brother here on earth.

In March Brig’s health wavered. There were some nights that we thought Brigham might not make it. One night in particular I remember us waking up sweet Emily to say goodbye. Over the years Brigham has had so many close calls and rallied back. He rallied again but we felt that this time it wasn’t the same. His health seemed to be at a different level. He seemed weary. We felt that he was slowing down.

During April we enjoyed celebrating Easter and the message that spring brings. Our family has had only one babysitter through the years and she was home visiting her children in Peru during this time. That was okay. We are grateful that we had many sweet times all together as a family. Because of Brigham’s fragile health we never wanted to leave him. I think the only date Randy and I went on these last precious months was to a restaurant with our friends and they didn’t mind that we brought Brig with us.

May came quickly. Our incredible lawyer was working hard on getting Yaw’s adoption finalized. With Brig’s health stabilized we decided to plan our family vacation and introduce Yaw to Disneyland and take Brig back to a place he loved. The adoption papers came through and family was coming in town for Mothers Day. We felt inspired to take our family to the temple and have Yaw sealed before we left for our trip. Mothers Day weekend was sacred and a beautiful memory that we all will treasure. Saturday, our family had the privilege of being together in the temple. Family members commented about Brigham’s calm, powerful presence. He glowed. Sunday we celebrated the wonderful mothers in our life and I celebrated being a mother. I felt so blessed.

The following day, Brig rode his trike around the driveway as we packed up to leave for our much anticipated family trip. Our family loves car rides even long ones. Brigham has claimed his spot as co- pilot. We arrived late Monday night to our hotel. Tuesday midmorning we headed to Disneyland which was in walking distance. Knowing that we were going to be there for a few days we didn’t push it. We were able to ride some favorites. In the afternoon Brigham seemed to be uncomfortable and not doing well. An hour or two later he was in tremendous distress. The night was hard. At 4:30 in the morning on Wednesday Randy and I knew we needed to get Brig back home to the “white house” as Brigham called it. We packed up and were on the road by 6 trying to explain to the other children why we were going home. Their love for their brother Brig out weighed their sadness.

Friday afternoon Brigham passed away in our arms. His life was full of pain and sufferings even to his last breathe. How grateful we were that he was home in his white house surrounded by his family who loved him.

Most mothers do not bury their children. As I have known that I would, I have thought much about this sacred process. I have always desired that when the time came I would keep him close and care for him until he was laid to rest. I was comforted by a neighbor’s words as he reminded us of our Savior’s death and his own mother’s desire to care for his body as well.

While Jesus was on the cross he was surrounded by those who loved him. His mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, and the beloved apostle John were there as well as perhaps two more women there. When Jesus died one of his disciples, Joseph of Arimathea, came to claim the body. Nicodemus brought a large amount of myrrh and aloes and then washed the body and wound the body in linen clothes and laid him in the sepulcher. On the third day, after Jesus was placed in the tomb, women—Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James—came to the tomb to care for and anoint the body of Jesus. They went to find his body for the same reason that we honor bodies of our loved ones today—to express our love.

Randy and I had the sacred opportunity of washing Brigham one last time. On Sunday we brought Brigham’s body home. In our society/culture it seems like we have made death be a scary negative thing. We have learned differently. Death is a new birth. It is part of our Heavenly Fathers plan. Our bodies are amazing and Gods masterpiece. It has been a beautiful and sacred experience to have his body under our watchful care this week. Even as his physical body lies still, it and he are still with us, teaching us.

I love Brigham’s body. It is a memorial of Brigham and his courage and strength. I know that I will never understand fully how much he suffered. Brigham never complained. His body testifies of the atonement in a very real way.

I loved Brigham’s life and everything about him. Brigham loved to fish. If you asked him what he wanted for his birthday or for Christmas he would say “maybe a red fishing pole” every time. When we needed a gift for someone else and I would ask him what we should get them he would say “maybe a red fishing pole” every single time. “If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a life time.” Brigham didn’t want to give us the fish he wanted each of us to have a red fishing pole and teach us to fish. Brigham has taught us for a lifetime. I have no bitterness or anger towards the disease that took my sons life or towards my God. My heart is in the tremendous depths of sorrow yet I have nothing but an overabundance feeling of gratitude for my Father in Heaven for having had the honor to be chosen to be the mother of such a righteous soul. He is a son who has testified of Christ every day of his life. We are so blessed to have had a constant teacher and example of true principles and teachings of the Savior in our home.

Brigham has been on the runway for quite sometime. He now has taken off. He is not gone. Just in another place. Our story has not ended. Having Brigham with our family has been the best chapter so far. He is now writing a new chapter and so are we. When we would take Brigham to the movies and get to the end, he would jump up and yell “rewind, rewind”. Oh sweet Brigham, how I wish I could rewind this chapter of life with you. I long to care for you and be with you again. I know that I was your caretaker of your physical body while you were here on earth, however, I am the one dependent upon you and your mighty spirit that truly fed me each day. God gave us 14 beautiful years with you. You have left us physically. Now it is up to us to remember all the things you have taught us. Brigham, I want to be like you. I want to accept Christ and be obedient so I can be with you forever. You have given our family a great goal. I reminded of a quote from one of your favorite movies “Hercules”. Hercules is trying to get back to his Father and Mother in Heaven. His father, Zeus, tells him that he has to prove himself a true hero before he can return. Hercules says “I won’t let you down!” Brigham you proved yourself a hero and I know our Father in Heaven welcomed you home. It is now our turn. Brigham we “won’t let you down”. You have taught us well for life. You have taught us to fish.

In D&C 42:46 it reads “And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them”. This scripture and many more have given me comfort and strength. Our dear prophet, Thomas Monson, reminded all of us in this last conference to “be of good cheer”. The Apostle Paul declared, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” I quote our Prophet.

“None of us makes it through this life without problems and challenges—and sometimes tragedies and misfortunes. After all, in large part we are here to learn and grow from such events in our lives. We know that there are times when we will suffer, when we will grieve, and when we will be saddened. However, we are told, “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.”

How might we have joy in our lives, despite all that we may face? Again from the scriptures: “Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you.”

…those who have struggled and yet who have remained steadfast and of good cheer as they have made the gospel of Jesus Christ the center of their lives. This attitude is what will pull us through whatever comes our way. It will not remove our troubles from us but rather will enable us to face our challenges, to meet them head on, and to emerge victorious.”

While I held my son in my arms while he was dying my testimony was challenged like it has never been challenged before. It was pushed clear to the edge and then some. I wanted to know with ever fiber of my body that what I believe was true. I wanted to know that there was a God in heaven who knows my son by name and would lovingly welcome him home. I wanted to know that our Savior died but now lives and that because of the atonement we may all live again together without pain and suffering. Brothers and Sisters, this week my testimony has grown. Because of this experience I know that my son lives. He has been faithful and obedient and has earned his celestial glory.

I was asked to speak on Easter Sunday a year ago. I would like to close by sharing some of that talk with you. My talk was inspired by the words of Elder Wirthlin.

Elder Wirthlin talks about how dark that Friday must have been when they lifted Christ upon the cross and crucified him. From the bible we read from each of the gospels about the darkness that was over the land. In Matthew it says “And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent.” I think about how dark it was in other parts of the world as well. In 3 Nephi 8 we read that on that dark Friday there were “great and terrible tempest and thunder that did shake the whole earth as if it was about to divide asunder. Many great and notable cities were sunk, and many more were burned. There was thick darkness upon all the face of the land.”

However, we need to remember that the darkness didn’t last. The despair did not linger. Because on Sunday the resurrected Lord ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind. I quote Elder Wirthlin’s words again “In an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.”

Elder Wirthlin continues to say that “each of us will have our own Fridays – those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death – Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, in this life or the next, Sunday will come.”

At Elder Wirthlin’s wife’s funeral, President Hinckley spoke and said that ‘it is a devastating, consuming thing to lose someone you love. It gnaws at your soul’. In Elder Wirthlin’s lonely hours he spent a great deal of time thinking about eternal things and contemplating the comforting doctrines of eternal life. The gift of the Resurrection.

The gift of the Resurrection is universal for every person who has ever lived or ever will live on this earth. In Alma 11:43 we learn that “the spirit and the body shall be reunited again in its perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame” President Spencer W. Kimball said, “I am sure that if we can imagine ourselves at our very best, physically, mentally, spiritually, that is the way we will come back.”

We know everyone will be the recipients of this amazing gift however the appointed time of our resurrection and the degree of glory given to us, is dependent upon how faithful we are in this life. Elder Holland has reminded us that “the Apostle Paul made clear that those fully committed to Christ will rise first in the Resurrection. Modern revelation clarifies the different order of resurrected bodies, promising the highest degree of glory only to those who adhere to the principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”

Elder Wirthlin said “The Resurrection is at the core of our beliefs as Christians. Without it, our faith is meaningless.” In 1 Corinthians 15:14 we read, “If Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and (our) faith is also vain.”

I am grateful for the scriptures and words from the prophet and leaders and testimonies of other members found in our church magazines. I am grateful for Elder Wirthlin and his words that have inspired me. I would like to close with his thoughts. “When President Hinckley spoke of the terrible loneliness that comes to those who lose the ones they love, he also promised that in the quiet of the night a still, unheard voice whispers peace to our soul: “All is well.” I am grateful beyond measure for the sublime true doctrines of the gospel and for the gift of the Holy Ghost, which has whispered to my soul the comforting and peaceful words promised by our beloved prophet. Live in thanksgiving for the priceless gifts that come to us as sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father and for the promise of that bright day when we shall all rise triumphant from the grave. No matter how dark our Friday, Sunday will come.”

As the disease progressed, Brigham’s ability to communicate decreased. His words became less and less. One of his sentences that he was able to say especially when he was hurting was “I’ll be okay”. Brigham we will be okay. I know this.

In the name…

Brigham's Memorial - "A Real Boy" by Emily Reneer

My brother Brigham loved all things Disney – the music, the movies and Disneyland itself. It truly was one of his happiest places on earth. At the beginning of each of our Disneyland trips it became our family tradition to visit the Pinocchio attraction first. Brigham was our Pinocchio. He wasn’t a puppet made of wood; but, like Pinocchio, he had a body that was different. When the Blue Fairy visited Pinocchio in Geppetto’s toy shop, she promised Pinocchio, “Prove yourself brave, truthful, and unselfish, and someday, you will be a real boy.” I love my brother Brigham. Life was hard for him. He was brave, truthful, and unselfish. He was also valiant, courageous and long-suffering and of course, he was a real boy.

Since his body didn’t work very well, Brigham didn’t get to participate in lots of normal activities that the rest of us kids get to do. I remember a couple of months ago my mom wheeled Brigham into our backyard and told me to let Brigham watch me and my sister Ella and my brother Yaw play. He sat in his wheelchair/stroller as the rest of us jumped on the trampoline, rode bikes and played on the swing set. Yaw is new to our family and he didn’t understand why Brigham just sat. “Emily,” he asked, “Why can’t Brigham play?” For many years, I bet my brother Brigham had wondered that too. My brother’s diseases hurt him physically, but I’m sure they hurt him emotionally too. He, of course, never complained.

Brig’s disease was hard for me emotionally too. I hated seeing him in pain. I also hated seeing him made fun of. The first time I can remember people ridiculing Brigham was at Disneyland several years ago and I was young – younger than I am now anyway. I was with my cousins. We were all standing in line to buy our passes to get in. Not too far from us, there was a boy that was pointing his finger and laughing at Brigham. I was so mad and so sad all at the same time. I wanted to tell this boy how hurtful his actions were. I realized then that being Brigham and being Brigham’s sister wasn’t always easy.

Brigham loved the movie Dumbo. Dumbo is the baby elephant born with ears a few sizes too big. Dumbo’s life wasn’t always easy either. As Dumbo’s ears were first revealed, the other elephants gasped.

“Is it possible?” asked one.

“Isn’t there some mistake?” wondered another.

“Just look at those . . . those . . . E A R S!”

“Oh, aren’t they funny?” laughed another.

“They are funny!” agreed another.

Brigham, like Dumbo, was innocent of wrongdoing and did nothing to warrant mocking or the other problems he faced But, as you know, Dumbo uses his ears to fly and soar and triumphs in the end. Brigham did the same.

He triumphed by living with his pain and disabilities and enjoying life anyway. Brigham loved his animals. He loved Mighty Joe and Olive, our dogs. He loved Joe Willow and Perky the ponies. He loved to go fishing and would try and kiss those fish and then throw them back in the water.

He loved outings in the car and outings in his wheelchair. I’ll miss pushing Brig around our neighborhood in his chair. I am so lucky I got to do that.

He loved birthday parties. Sometimes my mom gave him two a year. He always had a theme – Tarzan, Magic show, and the fire department through him the biggest party bash ever. Brig loved them all.

I will miss going to Disneyland with him. I’ll miss seeing him standing up in the boat and bounce and sing in excitement as we would ride “It’s a Small World After All”. And belting it as loud as he could Disneyland will be one of my last memories with my brother Brigham. We were there a few days before he died.

As his MPS progressed, , he became more and more limited in what he could do. He spent more and more time reading and watching his much loved movies. Especially Disney but he did have his other favorites like “My Dog Skip” and “The Black Stallion”. My dad figures Brig watched the Black Stallion more times than any other human on the planet! We own 4 copies – all of them scratched, worn and well-used!

I loved watching Brigham watch his movies. He was so happy and excited as he sat and viewed his favorite movies over and over and then over some more. They were always tales with heart-warming messages that helped him forget about, his “worries and his strifes.” Jungle Book was a favorite and the last movie he watched.

Brigham loved to sing. He loved singing along with movies. He loved singing at church as well. And for everyone at Sacrament meeting it was easy to hear his love of music. His voice could be heard above all others. Years ago, we could understand his words and feel his joy. More recently, he couldn’t form the words, but his sounds were heard and his unconquerable spirit was felt all the more.

I’ll miss everything about Brigham. I will also miss seeing the many, many nice things people did for Brigham. Our family was so lucky to know all of you. Brigham was too. Thank you.

I remember lots of great teachers at Wasatch. I got to go to Wasatch Elementary with Brig for about 5 years. I am grateful for his wonderful aides, teachers and friends. I know the people at Centennial Junior High loved him and took such good care of him for the 2 hours while he was there, riding his tricycle. . A week before he died he rode three miles. That just shows you how tough Brig was. He pedaled over 400 miles of hallways at Centennial this year. My mom and Dad think this helped him live as long as he did. He also enjoyed his bus rides to and from school under good care from loving bus drivers and bus aides who made a special bus stop just for Brig on our busy street. Brig literally stopped traffic.

I am grateful to youth in our ward who would come over and read to Brigham and take him on walks in his wheelchair.

There were so many nice people doing so many nice things: ponies, jacuzzi, Mickey Mouse ship, making our playroom a safer place to be, Tarzan treehouse, fundraising for us, skiing, hockey games. In Brigs last days hockey was the only sport Brig would actually sit still and watch. There are so many more acts of kindness. I am grateful for all of you.

In the Bible, in Matthew chapter 25, there’s a famous verse about serving people. Jesus says “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

I hope all of you will be blessed for your kind acts to our family. Thank you for serving us. Thank you for seeing past Brigham’s disabilities and seeing a person of worth.

Brigham was a person of worth. All of you are and so am I. That is one of the great things I have learned by being Brigham’s sister. Everybody matters and everyone is a person of infinite worth. It’s a value we talk about in Young Women and it means a lot to me. I know Brigham knew who he was.

Last week, while Brig was dying, I was finishing up an essay at school. The subject was How I Would Change the World. I wrote in my essay that I wish I could instill courage and increased self-worth in every individual around the world. Brigham had courage. He was a fighter. When we believe in ourselves and who we are we can all have the courage to do hard things and make the world better.

Brigham made the world better. In one of his Disney favorites, Mulan’s father tells Mulan, “The greatest gift, and honor, is having you for a daughter.”

For me, the greatest gift was having Brigham for a brother.

I’ve also learned gratitude over these years. I’m grateful for my parents that worked so hard all the time for Brig, and for me and Yaw and Ella. I’m grateful for all the kind people that served Brigham and our family. I’ve learned to be so grateful for my body – my healthy body. I want to keep it that way. None of us should ever mess up our bodies with drugs, alcohol and other harmful things.

I’m learning patience and faith in Heavenly Father’s plan for our family. Many times Brigham watched Cinderella and in that movie, the fairy godmother tells the would-be princess “Even miracles take a little time.” I’ve learned that is true. Our miracle will take place in the next life when we’re all reunited with a healthy and strong Brigham.

I do believe there is life after this life, just like I believe there was life before this life. Our Church teaches this and I know it is true. In Dumbo, the stork delivers the baby elephant and announces “Here is a baby with eyes of blue, straight from heaven, right to you.” I do believe in Heaven. I’m not sure storks have much to do with it, but I know we lived there before coming here.

In the Pearl of Great Price, it says we were all spirits in Heaven before we came to this earth.

Brigham’s gone back to Heaven now. I doubt he is watching movies up there, however, he might be watching over Ella and Yaw so they don’t seriously hurt themselves. Sometimes they can be kind of crazy.

After the resurrection, Brigham will get that healthy body he didn’t have during this life. If my family keeps the commandments, we’ll all get to live with him again. That’s so amazing. I’m excited for that and I’m grateful for the Savior who suffered and died for us. He makes all this possible.

In conclusion, I have to reference one more Disney favorite of Brigham’s: Hercules. In this movie, there’s a song called “Go the Distance.” Which my beautiful cousins just sang for you Brigham loved this song. He used to sing it loudly, “WOULD GO THE DISTANCE.” This song is meaningful because Brig loved it, but also because the words parallel Brigham’s life.

I often dreamed of a far off place

Where a great warm welcome

Will be waiting for me.

Where the crowds will cheer

When they see my face

And a voice keeps saying

This is where I’m meant to be.

I will find my way

I can go the distance

I’ll be there someday.

If I can be strong

I know every mile will be worth my while.

I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong.

Brigham did go the distance. He was strong. He must have had crowds cheering for him as he arrived in Heaven – welcoming him and congratulating him for running such a courageous race. His distance was shorter than it is for most people and harder than it is for many people, but he was strong and I think that Heavenly Father has decided he does belong – in Heaven.

Brigham has taught me courage and I want to go the distance too. My Dad, Mom, Yaw, Ella and I belong with Brigham. We belong to each other. Yaw was sealed to my family just six days before Brigham died. We were all together in the temple dressed in white. I know what it feels like to belong to a forever family in a place that’s like Heaven. We all will go the distance.

Lastly, I want to quote from Pinocchio. Brigham loved this dialogue between Geppetto and Pinocchio and he would repeat parts of it frequently.

PINOCCHIO: Father, whatcha crying for?

GEPPETTO: Because . . . you’re dead, Pinocchio.

PINOCCHIO: No! No, I’m not.

GEPPETTO: Yes. Yes, you are. Now, lie down. . .

PINOCCHIO: But father, I’m alive. See? And . . . and I’m . . . I’m real. I’m a real boy!

GEPPETTO: You’re alive! And . . . you are a real boy!

I know that Brigham is alive and that he is a real boy. He proved himself brave, truthful, and unselfish. He was always a real boy -- the most real person I have ever known.

I love you Brigham and I’m grateful for the gospel and the peace I feel.

Brigham's Memorial - Life Sketch by Madeline Skillings

The Life Sketch of Brigham Reneer

By: Madeline Skillings

On November 18, 1994 in the Utah Valley Hospital, God gave life to one of his mighty spirits. He put this precious soul into the loving arms of Julie and Randall Reneer, trusting them, and knowing that they would love this boy whole-heartedly to the very end.

Holding their baby, fresh out of Heaven, for the first time, I don’t think they knew yet that they had taken the first steps on a journey that would change them forever. This meek and gentle baby would soon become a teacher and a shepherd to all who would come in contact with him.

Brigham James Reneer was indeed a beautiful baby with hope for a bright future, and a tragic secret hidden inside. He was a big boy with big, strong hands. Upon seeing those big hands, my mom Jen said, “he looks like he should build fences or something.”

For the first 3 years of his life, Brigham had a lot of fun, but those who knew him best knew he was different. He was big and rambunctious, though he had a definite heart of pure tenderness. 1997 was the year that Brigham faced the start of many challenges. Just after his third birthday, he became very sick. When Julie brought him to the doctor, the doctor knew something was very wrong. He was diagnosed with Leukemia and immediately started intense treatment. It didn’t stop there. A few days later he was diagnosed with Hunter’s Syndrome, which foretold of a limited future and an awful fate. This disease set to work, ever so slowly changing his body and his mind as he grew. I was only approaching my fourth birthday, but I still can remember my little buddy with tubes and needles in him. I hated how I wasn’t allowed to be close to him. I would later come to an understanding of his sickness and grow to realize how special he was, but as a young child I was content with seeing him as a normal friend to play with.

Brigham was a very happy boy, and he dove into life with an energy that wasn’t to be expected from someone who knew tremendous suffering at such a young age.

Throughout his lifetime, Brigham’s frequent topic of conversation with me was regarding my 4^th birthday party. It was a “Madeline” theme and Brigham was such a good sport, as he was the only boy there. On the first powerful swing, he had busted my Madeline Hat piñata, to the amusement of the adults who subsequently had to repair the piñata so that I would stop crying and the rest of us could swing at it. Brigham was also happy to wear a big Madeline hat and help me blow out my candles. For years afterwards, he would bring up the same conversation that I never got sick of. He would say, “Maddie, you have your Madeline party?” and I would go through the same discussion, confirming my piñata and that Pepito was there (who was really Brigham) and Madeline (who was really me). It was interesting to see the different memories that would be locked in Brigham’s head for his

entire life.

At his fifth birthday party, the whole fire station took part in making his day memorable. He was a fireman for a day! He got to ride in the big, red fire truck, take a helicopter ride, wear real firemen clothes, and have a party with his friends and family at the station. There was even a newspaper article to be found afterwards in the daily paper about his blissful day.

The next year when he was six, Brigham conveyed manifestly to his parents that he wanted to be a missionary. On February 4, 2001 he was called to serve as a stake youth missionary. He got all that he needed; the black suit, a fresh set of scriptures, and his own personal missionary tag. Traveling to primaries and other organizations, he would tell the story of the Savior’s life and testify of Christ. One time he came to my church, and his simple and sincere testimony was the most inspiring thing to hear. Brigham’s missionary experience didn’t just satisfy his desires; it really did leave a permanent impression on all who listened. It was one of the many times I sat and marveled at that boy. The way he plainly stated his belief in the Savior made it seem easy to forget all doubts, and share his innocent faith.

These were exciting years for Brig. In the year of 2001, the Make A Wish foundation granted him the wish of a Tarzan tree house, complete with a dream backyard. The big tree house that sits in Disneyland inspired his family. After Grandpa Jim designed the structure, Brigham diligently helped the building of his big fort. He loved the bustle of men working together in making his wish come true. When it was finished, Tarzan himself came to the backyard and tested out the jungle with Brigham right by his side, just beaming with excitement. For the remainder of his life, there was a fondness in his heart for his special backyard and the animals that sit there today.

Growing up with Brigham was an exciting adventure. He was always finding ways to have fun and getting everyone involved. From fishing to riding his four-wheeler, he loved to be outside and enjoy nature. He also shared my love of animals, and I can remember arguing with him about the different stuffed animals of his that we both wanted to play with at the same time. We were normal, happy kids. I knew he was different but I liked him the way he was and whenever he was happy, the whole room felt different. Brigham’s laugh will always be the best sound in the world. He would get the biggest kick out of me pretending to cower and squeal at the sight of an imaginary monster, but he would always come to my rescue and shoot the enemy before I was eaten. I was safe with Brig close at hand.

At 8 years of age, Brigham had his own desire to be baptized as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Having lived a spotless life, and unable to ever commit a sin, baptism was unnecessary to secure a place in Heaven for him. However, Brigham’s pure heart and desire to be like Jesus made him want to get baptized and follow the example of his cousins. This example of faith alone helped build my testimony, as this was a little boy who didn’t need to be baptized, but did so anyway.

Randy, Julie, and Brigham practiced the procedure of baptizing in their backyard hot tub.

On November 22, 2002 the day of his baptism, Julie was also dressed in baptismal clothing in case she had to join Randy and Brigham in the font.

As Brigham entered through the door in his baptism clothes, the spirit flooded the room and all who watched felt something special. As he stepped into the water, his countenance was glowing, almost as if we were all seeing his true spirit shining through. He was entirely Brigham, and seeing the radiance on his little face was an experience nobody there can ever forget. Julie never needed to go into the water with him, as he was calm and composed. Brigham’s baptism was a day when the sweet love for Christ in a little boy touched the hearts of his friends and family.

Sleepovers at the Reneer’s house will always be memories that I treasure. Brig made sure I was secure with the blanket fastened over my head, before burrowing deep into me on my pillow and saying, “under here”. Even under the intense heat from his big, cuddly body, I would hold him and thank my Father in Heaven for letting me love this boy so much. I knew somewhere inside that these moments would be something I’d miss later on.

I know that a part of Brigham’s heart will always be in the happiest place on Earth. Out of all his vacations, it was obvious that he was most happy in Disney World and Disneyland with his amazing parents and his best friend, Emily. That was his world. He could make fantasies come alive and put meaning into each story. The characters were real to him, and those were heroes that never let him down. Brigham loved heroes like Peter Pan, Hercules, Pinocchio, Dumbo, Tarzan, and many more. They were brave and different like him. He must’ve seen himself in them, for he could always be heard from somewhere in the house jubilantly yelling his name to the T.V. Nobody can deny that his outbursts of yelling were so entertaining to be a part of. Out of all his sayings he would repeat for a while, my favorite has always been “in the neighborhood.” It was just always so unexpected and funny to hear.

Even near the end of his life when his health was speedily digressing, he still found joy and a reason to be happy. He will always be the strongest, bravest spirit I know.

Brigham Reneer was sent in to my life with a purpose, as I know he was sent into all of yours. He was my support, my example, my comfort, and the anchor that kept me centered as my life all too quickly changed from childhood to young adulthood. While I transformed into a moody, confused teenage girl, he stayed as my constant light, the one who never judged me and loved me despite all my faults. This light of his opened my eyes to a new understanding of life and I will always be grateful to him for that. I will never find a friend like him again in this life, but he is mine forever to keep in my heart and watch over me. I will try and make Brigham proud by keeping his memory close and trying to live like he did. Brigham taught me to believe in fairytales and dream as big as my heart wishes.

*Read 2Tim 4:5-8

*Bear testimony

END!

Brigham James Reneer November 18th, 1994 - May 15th, 2009

Brigham James Reneer

Brigham James Reneer

1994 ~ 2009

On Friday, May 15, 2009, our precious son, Brigham James Reneer, 14 years old, graduated from his mortal existence to return to a familiar home and to the rejoicing of our Heavenly Parents and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Brigham was born joyfully on November 18, 1994 in Provo, Utah , our first child. It was evident from his very first breaths that he was a choice and mighty spirit. He was large and strong and a pure delight to us and his extended family. Brigham loved life. He loved to sing, run, play, eat all kinds of foods, ride his ponies (Joe Willow and Perky), Disneyland, birthday parties, his tarzan treehouse, swimming, car rides, stories, the beach, movies, his trike, fishing, his dogs Mighty Jo and Olive, camping, and so much more. Most of all Brigham loved being with his family. Brigham had a great affection for his many cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents who all adored him.

A week after Brigham turned 3 years old he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. Three days later, our son was also diagnosed with a Mucopolysaccharide storage disorder. We learned that this would be terminal and degenerative. His life expectancy would be between the ages of 10 and 12 years of age. We always knew in our hearts that Brigham would live to the age of 14. He endured with courage and without complaint, painful treatments for his Leukemia and after five years, he achieved remission. For Brigham, MPS was the bigger beast to fight. He fought to not let this devastating syndrome slow him. Every day was an adventure for Brigham. He always found the joy amidst his pain and suffering.

Brigham was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He enjoyed attending church and singing the hymns. In the early years, Brigham's voice could be heard above all others. He loved the missionaries and expressed to us his desire to go on a mission. We already knew he was serving his mission. However, when Brigham was 6 years old, he was called to be a Youth Missionary. He loved visiting different Primary meetings all over Utah. He gratefully wore his black suit & tie, black shoes, white shirt and his missionary badge as he shared his testimony of his Savior Jesus Christ. We know he knew Him in a very real way. The disease continued to ravage his little body and it became more and more difficult for him to do the things in life he enjoyed so much, as well as all the simple things like walking, talking, eating and breathing.

Brigham never complained. He was an example of courage, bravery, and of enduring well in the face of continuing pain. Brigham "fought the good fight, he finished his course, and he kept the faith". He lived like no other individual we have known, valiantly fighting, even in his passing. He left this world, encircled in our arms and surrounded by his loving family. He was indeed a pure vessel, without guile and incapable of sin. He "walked the earth with clean hands and a pure heart, an Angel out of his element." We look forward and long for the time when we will all be reunited again.

Brigham is survived by his parents Randall and Julie Reneer, his sisters, Emily and Ella, and his brother Yaw, his Grandparents: Doug and Christina Reneer, Gene and Argie Shumway and Jim and JoAnne Young. He has 9 uncles, 7 aunts and 31 cousins, who all mourn his passing, along with so many dear and cherished friends, (including his dog Olive.)

Thank you Brigham, Thank you, Thank you. We love you. Mom and Dad.

Thank You

Today our hearts are full of gratitude. Family, friends, and strangers have blessed our family in numerous ways at this sorrowful time of the passing of our son. We thank all of you.

We know Brigham is grateful to each one of you and for seeing past his physical and mental challenges particularly later in life as he degenerated and recognizing his true identity and mighty soul. May all of us recognize who we really are - sons and daughters of God, our Eternal Father.

Many of you have requested a copy of Brigham's memorial service and other elements surrounding his service. We have decided to post it here on this blog. Audio will follow: Music and other remarks. Our heartfelt thanks for your kind words, notes, and other gifts so generously and graciously given; and mostly for the gift of your presence physically or in spirit at Brigham’s funeral service. We were overwhelmed at how many came to pay tribute to Brigham. Though we did not connect with many of you, we feel a great love for each of you for taking time out of your lives to bless us with your goodness.

Over the weekend of May 16th we sent out the following email to many dear friends:

"Yesterday, our family’s greatest earthly shepherd, example, and son and brother
left the sacred body he fought with and in. Brigham left our physical presence Friday at 3:40 pm. Julie and I have no words to communicate our feelings about him and longing to be with him. We love you and all you have done for us and Brigham for many years and invite you to a Funeral Service that will be held Saturday the 23rd of May at 2:00pm. A viewing will be held prior to the Funeral from 11am to 2pm. The building has a bell tower and is across the street from the Provo Temple."

clean chairs, fries, bell tower, "stuffed" animals, friend

Emily can't say we didn't do anything for spring break.

Just on Saturday alone our family helped the ward scrub down every single chair in our stake center. A bazillion of them. Emily actually babysat Brig while he slept for the first part (he had another rough night).

We then took Emily and her siblings to Ripples for overpriced fries, onion rings, root beer freezes, blackberry milkshake and a fresh lime. I should post one day about my childhood memories of Ripples.

In the afternoon, the talented Alpha Smoot, invited us to her recital at the BYU bell tower. Yup, she plays the bells. We hung out on the lawn while she played a bunch of songs up in the tower. She is awesome. How cool to have that on your resume. THEN, we got to hike up the 100 winding stairs and play the bells too! Yaw does not like heights but we talked him through it. Randy and Brig laid on the grass below.

Bean Museum was across the street so it was our next stop. Yaw doesn't like animals. Ella loved them and asked me very tenderly if all these dead animals were up in heaven with Pres. Hinckley. We watched a documentary on Elephants. It was touching. I cried. Emily decided she should take better care of our turtle and begged us to go right then to the store to buy him a better bigger home. Since then she has forgot to feed him for 3 days.

At home we continued with our spring cleaning and then Emily escaped to her friend Molly's home for the evening.

Emily, it wasn't Disneyland but it was a good day.

Spring Break Day

It snowed and snowed all night long. The trees are confused. I am confused. I hope we will have fruit this summer. Driving through town I saw many beautiful trees with broken limbs. It is feeling and looking less and less like spring break and more and more like christmas break.

I am appreciating my dishwasher and clothes dryer by not using them. Okay, I am not using them because I can't use them, not because I felt that I needed to appreciate them more. They are broken. Oh well. I didn't have a dishwasher or clothes dryer in Ghana and I did fine. The whole country of Ghana does fine without these appliances and a lot more. Boy are we spoiled. Ella and Yaw had fun drying the dishes. I enjoyed being with them. Maybe all families should have their dishwasher break for awhile. It provides ample opportunity to communicate and spend time with one another. Now for my clothes dryer. I will have to be more creative in thinking how to get my family to help out with this activity. Wish I had a clothes line. While in Ghana we had a great clothes line in our courtyard. The few times that it rained we just brought our clothes inside and hung them around the house. I have thought many times since my return that I really want a clothes line in my own backyard. Even if I did have a clothes line I doubt this crazy weather would dry anyone's clothes. Grateful for my mother in laws house close by.

Brigham had a visit from his friend Eamonn today. What a great young man.

Emily babysat, made cookies with Eden, baptisms for the dead at the Mt. Timpanogos temple, and will top the night off with a late night with her cousins at Aunt Sandy's home.

Yaw and Ella are feeling more and more like twins. They play, fight, compete, and then play some more all day long. They put on their boots, hats, gloves, and coats to build a snowman for their spring break today. They have had to have multiple bathes after being soaked through with snow and mud from playing outside. Yaw told me today that he likes Salsa. RR told him that it was american shito. Ella insisted that she was a kitty and wanted to drink milk by lapping it out of a bowl.

RR and I signed Yaw's adoption papers today. Our great friend/lawyer Randy Christiansen who did Ella's adoption for us will now be able to file Yaw's papers with the court. We did so much work in Ghana that I kept putting off that we had to adopt Yaw here in our country too. Hopefully all will go smooth and we will get the adoption order back soon so we can take Yaw to the temple to be sealed.

I was blessed with a great visit from Anne and Alpha Smoot this afternoon. Alpha is graduating from BYU this month in Photography. This semester she has been taking a class on how to play the bells at the bell tower on campus. She is giving a concert on Saturday. We get to go. She said that she would even take us up the steep 100 steps to the top of the bell tower. We live close to the bell tower and hear it all day long as it reminds us of what time it is. On Sunday I have a goal to be at church before the bells ring. It is still a goal I am working on. Brig has always loved the bell tower. When Brig was more vocal he used to comment about it every time we would drive past. I think he thought it was home to Quasi Moto (sp?). Wish we could get him up to the top. Alpha is a talented and beautiful young woman. Last year she presented us with a handmade book of photographs that she had taken of Brigham for one of her photography classes. It is truly a work of art and such a treasure for RR and me. We are so grateful to the Smoot family. Over the years they have blessed our lives in countless ways.

Today

Even though snow is in the forecast, spring is making itself present with flowering trees and daffodils and lush green grass.

Brig seems to be having a tough time today. It seems like he just was sick. Grateful that he is able to rally and fight back. Trying to ignore the hard reality that one day, no matter how hard he fights, he won't be able to rally and will lose. However, I shouldn't use the word 'lose' because I know Brigham will have not have lost. He will have won his battle not only here on earth but he will have also won his place next to our Father in Heaven for all eternity.

Emily is home for spring break today. She babysat this morning for our neighbor. Now she is cleaning her room. Not much of a spring break. Hopefully we will get to Disneyland in the next few weeks.

Yaw is still busy learning and experiencing new things every single day. Today he took his first shower here in the states . He liked it.

Ella is going to her last day of BYU preschool with Mr. Brad today. She is bringing him some goodies to thank him. She loved her time at the Y, hopefully she loved it so much that she will want to go back there one day. I have seen her confidence bloom. Wish her preschool experience could last longer but students have their finals.

RR rode his bike today in the rain. Grateful he still has a job.

As for me, I woke up early and went to the temple today. Now I need to clean my room.

Grateful for today.

Jules

Living in America again

I have been back from Africa for almost two weeks now. How sad that I have no post or picture of our newest member of our family. Tomorrow I will officially introduce our sweet son. I wish that I would just take the time to finally figure out the computer and learn how easy I am sure it is to post a photo or how to change my blog page decorations instead of having my 12 year old daughter do it since I have no clue. I hope she has time to teach me tomorrow. Maybe she will teach me how to change and add photos to my Facebook account too. While she is at it I hope she can remind me how Twitter works. Either her or my sweet RR who is the one who actually started each and every one of these accounts for me. Tomorrow.

Journey to Ghana!

Okay sis, I need to get in one more post before I take off on my journey to Ghana. Wow and what a journey it is. Just today we found out that our adoption that was supposed to be done this week is not going to be done. We were scheduled to file our I-600 form with the US Embassy monday morning. You need to have completed adoption forms from the Ghanaian side to submit with the I-600 form and we don't. So now an already anticipated stressful 2 weeks just got a lot more exciting. We now need to get over there and get the adoption done first. My faith is kicking in. Need to have faith like the brother of Jared. I will miss you. Wish you were coming along. Thanks for helping with things on this end. I never leave my family. This is huge for me. I do have peace that this is the right thing to do. Hard to believe that I will meet my son in just a few more days!
Love you so,
Jules

A Story

Once there was a beautiful black walnut tree living in our back yard. It was strong and healthy and fed all the neighborhood squirrels with its delicious nuts and provided beautiful shade for us on hot summer days. One year it decided it had a different calling. Our big black walnut tree died. That same year, wonderful people (Make a Wish) wanted to build Brigham his wish of having a Tarzan tree house. They were worried that our walnut tree might fall down and hurt Brigham and his friends while playing. Our walnut tree had to be cut down. It seemed so sad, for our tree gave so much. RR was inspired that we would save its beautiful wood for something very special. Some more wonderful people (the Banks) took our beautiful wood and dried it and got it ready for that special something. Years went by, the wood patiently being stored in another wonderful person's workshop (carpenter Alan). Then one year, another wonderful person (brother Chris) came up with the perfect design for that very special something. Years later our beautiful black walnut tree is now back home with us. It truly is something very special.
The End.

Finally done

After many years of storing the wood and deciding on a design. Brigham's casket is finally done. I didn't want it ever to be done. Alan King, our carpenter, knew this and didn't want to call me. In fact, he tried calling Chris so he could let me know but he couldn't get a hold of him. It was a hard phone call for Alan to make.
Today King Cabinets delivered Brigham's casket to our home. It is beautiful. I think I am okay with it being done. It will be a blessing to be able to enjoy it for a while. It almost seems like it was made to sit in our front living room window. I have wanted a bench there for years. Now I have one. It will be Brigham's Bench. Something we will all use while he is living.
Thank you to Alan King for this priceless gift.